burningofroissy

I wrote a big long thing and then made it private because it would have just driven everybody away. Funny how when you write big long angry posts about how nobody's there for you, it drives them away.

I'm mad that people can't help me, that their advice is to "follow your heart" but my heart always gets hurt so badly that I want to kill myself. But they don't want me to kill myself. Make up your fucking mind.

I counted all my painkillers and Nyquil and booze and it made me feel calmer. Like, here I am in the middle of all this potential death and I'm still alive. So maybe I'm strong.

It's not enough to be strong, though. You have to be strong and then function, too. When you waste so much of your energy dealing with pain, you don't have any left to function on.

I can never have the kind of closeness I want with people. Nobody wants me that close.

Whatever, guys.

sbt/sbc

So I suppose I better post something here. Between Facebook, LJ and here, I'm spreading my blogging juices kinda thin, but whatever.

Anyway, it's 4.30 in the afternoon and it feels like about 7. Not sure why. I can hear crows cawing outside.

Just another lazy Sunday afternoon.

sbt/sbc